Same curiosity. Different subjects.
I design websites, read books, play games, and write about the things I find interesting.
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Thoughts
- Remember to Be InspiredPosting every day on YouTube has its advantages. You are no longer your limiting factor because you *have to* repeatedly publish videos that aren't done or perfect. You have to make unrefined ideas work. You have to *come up* with ideas. You have to work around time constraints. You have to work around hardware limitations. It reminds me of back in school and after graduating, where I squeezed out every single value I could get out of my laptop at the time. The creativity you need in those moments is something that's valuable in any level. We just forget about it.
- Newest addition to my physical collectionNo idea when i'll start reading this one. I already started the audiobook months back but other things got in the way. I hope I can find time because I want to learn more mental models
- Cringe Is Only for Rich People.At least, that's what i'm trying to burn into my head.
- Here's to a New Experiment.This year, being a beginner has been an interesting experience. Not an easy one, but a necessary one.
- Collect books, even if you don’t plan on reading them right away.Nothing is more important than an unread library.
- I want to start trying using books as references rather than rushing to finish each one.I like reading books but I’m sometimes more obsessed with finishing them than fully absorbing them. I’ve read so many books with life changing “wisdom” in them, feel inspired, in some cases maybe move some things around in my life, but as time passes the lessons tend to fade from memory.
- My Physical Book Collection Is All of TwoGot another one yesterday. Now my physical book collection is all of two. lol. Need to be sure I'm not developing some sort of problem. 💀
- A note from Oct 16, 2026One of the things I've wanted for a long time is to have a shelf of physical books. I just never felt settled enough to start collecting. I still don't. But this feels like a good opportunity to start experimenting.
Reading
- Man's Search for Meaning
- ADHD Is Awesome
- AmericanahFinally read a Chimamanda book.
- An African History of Africa
- The Art of War
- Atlas of the Heart
- Atomic HabitsI don't usually say things like this, but I think this book actually changed my life.
- Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life
Games
- Black Myth: WukongI fell off and now have to work my way back
- Clair Obscur: Expedition 33One of the best games I've ever played
- Cyberpunk 2077
- Detroit: Become Human
- DispatchI need a sequel yesterday
- Ghost of Tsushima
- Ghost of Yotei
- God of War
YouTube
- Stop Planning Your Time Like a Robot
- You Need to Rebrand Yourself (To Yourself)
- When you don't know what to do, build capacity.
- nothing wrong with ENJOYING the mid
- You have time to read. You just don't know it yet.
- "Just start” is bad advice (after a while)
- it’s all a skill issue.
- why you're losing your friends (it's not what you think)
Listening
Links
- Rick Rubin: The Only Skill That Matters Now Is The One Thing AI Can Never Steal!Like someone said in the comments this feels like the left side and right side of my brain are having a discussion. Steven feels like the part of my brain that usually wins the discussion. Rick feels like the part that keeps refusing to be explained by rationality 🤣
- Start With What You Have"First decide that it can be done and then your mind will start to work to figure out a way to make it happen." I can relate to that. I've seen it happen in my life several times. I don't always imbibe that idea but these days I've gotten more and more consistent to snapping into that mindset when things feel pointless or necessarily difficult. it usually summarises to some variation of "there has to be a way" "Max out the utility of everything that is within your reach." is something I also can relate to it in some way. For example, a device starts acting up. You use it to its limit before you get another one. That mindset really lets you be creative. (sometimes, you actually don't have a choice). But I want to start focusing more of the "max out" and "everything". There are other opportunities in my life to explore that idea and I guess in a way, it's connected to building capacity. I've been articulating "capacity" more as expanding to be able to do more but an underlying thought I've had underneath that, which also demands its own articulation, is knowing that you truly are hitting the limit of what you can handle at this time and then you expand. Sometimes, "building capacity" is not adding anything to your life but being more creative and optimised with how you do things. Maybe even subtracting.
- Steven Bartlett On Why He Picks His Own Guests On ‘The Diary Of A CEO’, Work-Life Balance + MoreHe said "Just extending the time horizon of your goals is like magic because it means you make better decisions today and those decisions result in different outcomes". I already think like this in some sort of way. Some of the new things I've started recently have the time horizon of "indefinitely" and it automatically shifts from going as big as I can to "if I had to do this every single day/week/month for an indefinite period of time, what would I prioritise?". So whenever that itch comes to go crazy, I eventually pull myself back to "long game" and "sustainable".
- John Cena: Run Out of HollywoodThe chair they're talking to seems to be an interesting individual. Lol. But in all seriousness, I don't think I ever thought I would relate to John Cena. Closer to the end of the video they talk about the road less travelled and how he talks about it sounds like me. When I stick to what I actually want to do, I usually find myself in the road less travelled. It feels hard and lonely but usually ends up feeling rewarding.
- How Lagos Life Beat ChatGPT to 1 Million Users (in 3 Days)Been thinking a lot about building capacity lately and this video is a clear example of preparation meeting opportunity.
Posting every day on YouTube has its advantages. You are no longer your limiting factor because you have to repeatedly publish videos that aren't done or perfect. You have to make unrefined ideas work. You have to come up with ideas. You have to work around time constraints. You have to work around hardware limitations. It reminds me of back in school and after graduating, where I squeezed out every single value I could get out of my laptop at the time. The creativity you need in those moments is something that's valuable in any level. We just forget about it.
It also gives you one important thing. Speed of executing your ideas and hunches. Currently working on video 19 as I type this, each video with its own incremental opportunity for me to try something and get better. I wouldn't bore you with the details but basically imagine I started with 1 video a week. That means I have compressed almost 5 months of learning into like 20 days.
But it doesn't come without its limitations. One of which is being able to properly review. In a 24 hour window, you can't really learn too much about how well your video is doing on YouTube. Sometimes videos take days to know where it will end up. But at this stage, one could say that the views are so low that any data I get is somewhat statistically irrelevant compared to just having sheer quantity. One could even say that any positive data you get might be a fluke. The other limitation, however, quantity can never override, which is not having enough time to take in and study the work of other people.
As a perpetual YouTube watcher, I probably subconsciously know what a good video is. But most of my time is spent as a consumer, not as someone with a creative mind. Because of that, many details fly over my head. I would just know that I enjoyed it or didnt. Don't get me wrong though, I've been following enough creators to not be clueless about what a hook is, thumbnails, retention, etc. But I haven't actually studied it, not recently anyway. As a designer, I remember spending time saving posters, trying to figure out why they worked. I used to go through websites every day to feast my eyes on beautiful things that other people are doing.
That's something that's easy to lose today. Everything is moving fast. AI is dominant. Most careers are going through some form of existential crisis. Most of us are just trying to keep doing things to make sure we don't get left behind. Unfortunately, creativty didn't get the memo. It's sometimes like a cat that needs to be pampered and not like a dog that is eager to please.
You're only as good as what you know and consume. But in addition, you're only as good as what you synthesize. If you stop all these things, you get stale and stagnant. Unfortunately, nature doesn't have stagnancy, just progression or regression. So basically, you're only as good as how long ago you let yourself be inspired and learn. At some point, you would just keep churning out stuff that would just keep getting less and less creative because you're pouring from an emptying cup. Eventually, you won't have anything to give and even if you do, you might as well be a zombie or a robot moving on autopilot.
So yeah, this journey has been a reminder for me to find time to be inspired. To restart the side of myself that didn't just consume but also wondered. Also studied. Also paid attention to details people didn't notice. Also found links between things that people wouldn't normally link. It's like how sleep is productivity. It's not an intuitive idea but creativity needs gaps and breaks not creating. Creativity needs time that doesn't feel productive. Progress is not always doing but also experiencing. No matter how great the software on your phone is, it still gets outdated. You need to invest into updating yourself, even when it doesn't feel high priority or important.
So yeah, after the 30 days I would reduce my frequency but it does get me a bit excited to sort or remember again why I like YouTube. Why things work. What clicks. It's also going to spill over in other areas of my life. Why is that movie great? Why do I like this book? What is a good design? How are people still creating amazing stuff? What level do you need to be at to be easily distinguishable from AI? So many whats and hows. What does originality even look like? If everyone is doing the same thing how do the few that stand out manage to do it?
I basically have to find my wonder in the creative again. I teetered too much towards the technical and pragmatic. Life being life, I'll probably forget again but at least this would be here to remind me when I need it.
And hopefully, it would do the same for you too.
Latest Youtube Video
I have now posted 18 "long form" videos. 11 to go as far as the daily challenge is concerned. The latest one is a video titled "You have time to read. You just don't know it yet." Like, share, subscribe, let me know what you think (I actually listen to feedback. They help a ton). Thanks ☺️
That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed it.
À la prochaine 😊.
No idea when i'll start reading this one. I already started the audiobook months back but other things got in the way. I hope I can find time because I want to learn more mental models
At least, that's what i'm trying to burn into my head.
This quote has been on my mind for a bit.
We're all familiar with the concept in some way, shape, or form. Basically similar to "everything you want is on the other side of fear."
It wouldn't be my first interaction with the idea. But I'm also toying with telling myself that "cringe is only for rich people who can afford it". I am not rich, therefore I have not earned the right to cringe.
Of course, that's a bit extreme, sounds like hustle culture and a tad bit unhealthy but I find that extremes like that help my mind put things into perspective. The underlying idea is you need something, e.g money and at the same time you don't want to do the thing that increases your chances to get what you want. Makes no logical sense, even though it makes emotional sense. And you sometimes need a way to rile yourself up such that you can feel the want for what you want enough to overcome the things holding you back.
I struggle with it because it's true. It's a bit sad, the natural state of caring what people think. It has its benefits, obviously. Caring what people think keeps you accountable if it's the right people. You don't want to go around without a regard for anyone's opinions. The problem is we subconsciously regard everyone's opinions.
But for me it goes a step further. It's not just what people think. It's what I think of myself. The internal branding I have. If the only thing in my way was what people thought, then things would be easier. I have a way of finding my way to what I want even if I go kicking and screaming. So for me, cringe is also the tax I pay to prove to myself that I care about what I want more than what I think about myself.
Sometimes you just have to overcome looking foolish to yourself.
Or worse, you may have judged the types of people doing the things you have now realized you have to do in an unflaterring light in the past. Hence, realizing you need to do it puts you under your own microscope. And it's not comfortable. You're at risk of becoming a hypocrite.
You are probably also egotistical. Ego is the enemy. Pushing past your discomfort for anything can feel like a humiliation ritual, even though you know that no one really cares.
It's also, unfortunately, a moving target. You don't solve your internal cringe once. You sort of have to decide to torture yourself each time. "Do it anyway," one might say. Emotions, unfortunately are not a case to be solved. You just get better at overcoming them each time. Eventually, results and past history of success or learnings after pushing past discomfort, make it overwhelmingly difficult to not do.
So I think for me, the hardest part is fighting my image of myself and what I should be like. Once I can systemise overcoming that, it will be crazy to see what I can do.
Latest Youtube Video
I have now posted 11 "long form" videos. 19 to go as far as the daily challenge is concerned.
The latest one is a video titled "Opportunity doesn't only come once", which is basically my thoughts on the general idea we've been taught. Like, share, subscribe, let me know what you think. Thanks ☺️
That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed it.
À la prochaine 😊.
This year, being a beginner has been an interesting experience. Not an easy one, but a necessary one. I went from beginner to being able to have conversations with a native in French within 6-7 months, while still working and trying to be an adult (doesn't mean I'm fluent but I'm comprehensible to a native, which makes me feel good every time I think about it).
Doing that did something to me in the sense where it taught me again that I'm capable of doing difficult things. There is something that difficulty does to confidence. Each time you overcome being an imposter at something, you add to your list of experiences you can use to remind yourself when you hit the next struggle.
For me, I think I've been able to resolve two insecurities in my head. One, is the capability to do difficult things and the other is consistency. This is the 47th week of writing one of these letters and I haven't missed a week yet. Even if I start missing weeks now, it would not negate the confidence that I've built that I am capable of being consistent at things. And that's separate from other things I've been able to be consistent at lately.
If you've been following along you would've read something I've written about building capacity. That's the general theme of my life right now. Learning french gave me my spark back. Now I'm using that spark to fuel my curiosities, catch up on the things I've felt behind in, and stretch myself to do more than my current limits. When I started learning French, it was incredibly difficult to do it with everything else I had to do. I felt stretched but also knew this couldn't possibly be my limit. And now, several months later, I'm still practicing french every day and while my intensity has reduced, I no longer feel overwhelmed as far as french is concerned. it's simply a part of my schedule now.
My capacity increased.
So now, I'm working, practicing french every day and upskilling. I also have side projects I'm building and working on. I can do all of those at a reasonable pace. The trick is systemising everything. Once you have a system, the time to do things becomes more efficient and then you can free up bandwidth for other things. Do I feel balanced? Not necessarily. But I feel I can manage it.
So naturally, it was time to throw something else into the mix lol.
(I know this sounds a bit unhealthy but I've been complacent for a while and been struggling to get out of that headspace. Now that I've succeeded at that, might as well ride this wave as long as I can)
So now, in the midst of the other things I'm working on, I decided to start a YouTube channel and post a long form video every day for 30 days straight at a minimum. Do I need to do that? Not really. But I want to see if I can.
As for why I'm doing it, I noticed two things in my life.
One, since I work asynchronously and can pretty much live my life without interacting with people except the occasional meeting. I could feel my ability to articulate myself verbally slipping. If you don't use it, you lose it (and it's not like I have spent much time developing that skill to begin with).
Two, I have a tendency to want to disappear to one corner of the world but most of the things in my life I have now seem to be some form of ripple effect of being visible. I'm still trying to figure out what a healthy balance of the two is. But some quotes from Austin Kleon's Show Your Work put things into perspective.
"Share what you love, and the people who love the same things will find you."
"Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think."
"Find your voice, shout it from the rooftops, and keep doing it until the people that are looking for you find you."
"I'm not going to sit here and wait for things to happen, I'm going to make them happen, and if people think I'm an idiot, I don't care."
Buying the physical version of the book was money well spent. All of those quotes mean something different to me now than the first time I read the book a few years ago. They were true then. I lived it. They're still true now.
I've been visible and invisible. I don't think either extreme is the answer and I'm also not willing to pay the price of being too visible. But I know what the price of being invisible is. While breaks have been necessary for my mental health, I have paid certain prices for invisibility that I am no longer interested in paying.
So, I need to figure out (again) some form of presence, personal brand and visibility online. Treat it like a job and not an inconvenience. Maintain better boundaries now that I'm older but not throw the baby out with the bathwater. The internet isn't the real world and can be quite toxic and unhealthy. But it's also the same thing that's giving me the capacity to write to you. If you're reading this, chances are we met or will meet because of the internet.
So, YouTube makes sense as my next project. 30 days of posting to get the reps in, but in reality, one of the many steps in figuring out what I want to be online while I get to practice communcating and speaking more, learn about what makes a good edit, algorithms, retention, providing value, effective CTAs, etc, all transferrable skills to other things I care about even if I don't end up as a YouTuber or content creator.
It's like habit stacking. I'm combining several goals into one experiment that doesn't have to stop with the experiment. It just needs to get it going. As for why I'm making myself do it every day, it's a numbers game. If I'm going to learn and get good at it in any way, I'm going to have to frontload all the bad reps. 30 days is 30 videos, many of which would not be very good. But, I would need to get through 30+ videos anyway. Might as well speedrun through some of them.
So, we'll see how it goes. At the time of posting this, I have posted four long form videos. 26 to go. Here is the latest one.
Like, share, subscribe. Feedback is also welcome. I'm interested to see where this goes. At the worst, I would have something reasonable if you search "Daniel Abudu" on YouTube unlike before, with new skills, even still as a beginner, that I can deploy elsewhere.
At the best . . . I can't even articulate that.
That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed it.
À la prochaine 😊.
I like reading books but I’m sometimes more obsessed with finishing them than fully absorbing them. I’ve read so many books with life changing “wisdom” in them, feel inspired, in some cases maybe move some things around in my life, but as time passes the lessons tend to fade from memory.
For some, like Atomic Habits, the way of doing things became so ingrained that even when you forgot the lessons, one or two things became a permanent fixture in your life with compounding effects.
For others, like Show Your Work, I read, learned the lessons, then slowly forgot. But when I say "forget" here it doesn’t mean like totally forget, because nothing in the book is what I’m not aware of. It’s the framing of things and how they apply to your life. For example, I know that having a brand you’ve built makes access so much easier. I’ve done that in my own way. But my natural instinct to just go disappear somewhere conflicts with that. So when the knowledge is not top of mind or some goal or mental state has high priority, it shifts. Then you get so used to the new state that you don’t match what you know with where you’re at.
So, I’m hoping that now with my experiments with buying physical books I can have a few books I know my natural instinct would fight with the lessons in them. I can pick them up at random or planned intervals, read a specific chapter or page to remind myself of why I do certain things and then drop them. No compulsion to start and finish, no need to boost my ego, just going back to specific things that hit me and struck me in the beautiful ways they were written that seem to speak directly to ME.
Naturally, life has its seasons. I would forget lessons. But I would also remember them. This year, I relearned lessons I already learned years back. Maybe you could say it was from a more mature perspective? Maybe. But the fact remains I had to relearn them. Now, I’m hoping, like everything you optimize, the time in between forgetting and remembering becomes shorter and shorter. For example, say you need a break for your mental health. Valid. But the difference between that break being a few months to say 2-3 years may simply be remembering the lessons you learned and why you do what you do.
So taking a page out of religion, certain religious texts have remained unchanged for several millennia, yet people read and consume and meditate on the same fixed amount of words daily. The words don’t change but the context does.
Sometimes you need a reminder.
Sometimes you need encouragement.
Sometimes you need harsh accountability.
Sometimes you need to rediscover the same words but with more life experience.
Whatever the case is, it’s okay to have a long pile of books you’ve finished if that’s what you genuinely enjoy. But we should also build that habit of 2-3 books we sit with, no end in sight, using them like we use dictionaries, giving ourselves the grace to fall off but also the ability to come back up again. Giving ourselves the chance to stop and reflect and to grow. Not just amassing knowledge but allowing ourselves to be changed by it.
Got another one yesterday. Now my physical book collection is all of two. lol. Need to be sure I'm not developing some sort of problem. 💀 But these books in particular feel like they're buying art and it's more than just a book. They're kind of like visual reminders of lessons you need to keep. I must admit that I have three more books on the way and i still don't know how I'll store them, but here's to giving yourself permission to do things you want and make you feel good. I've wanted to start getting physical books, now I'm letting myself do that. The semantics can come later lol.
One of the things I've wanted for a long time is to have a shelf of physical books. I just never felt settled enough to start collecting. I still don't. But this feels like a good opportunity to start experimenting. It feels really good. Didn't know I missed the new book smell. It also feels like an art book. Like the book itself is art. Got inspired to buy it after watching this reel from Salem King. Ironically, the books I actually wanted to buy to kickstart this physical book journey weren't available and this was more of an add on.
It's definitely not the first time I've read it but now I think I need a refresher of the lessons in this book for where I'm at in life currently. And I may need to go back to it over and over again to either let some things sink in or be constantly reminded of them.
Infinite game: a game or activity where the primary objective is not to win, but to keep playing and perpetuate the game itself. i.e. you give up, you lose.
My first memory of the idea was from Alex Hormozi and I was reminded of it again today on another video. I think it's a great concept and mental model because if everything worth doing to you is treated like an infinite game, then there are no unrealistic standards or goals, no real failure and no opponent to beat. Just to keep playing the game indefinitely. Matches well with an idea in Atomic habits where you want to create a habit, you change who you are. If you're playing that game, then you'd do it long enough to pass through all the obstacles you need to get to to hit your goals.
Started deliberately trying to not pick my phone up first thing in the morning and honestly I want to make a habit out of it. There’s just something about having a clear head around 4 or 5 am in the morning where everywhere is quiet and it’s just you and your thoughts. It doesn’t have to be hours but 15-30 minutes to at least “boot”.
Suddenly ideas for problems you’ve been trying to solve start popping up.
"When you don't know what to do, build capacity" - Alex Hormozi
I've been thinking about that idea for a bit now. Usually we are searching for this great idea, the right business to start, the right product to create, the best skills to learn, etc. We use it to procrastinate. People who want to become content creators stop themselves because they haven't found their niche. Some want to start a side gig but spend months "researching". Others want to start a new career but keep waiting for the right one.
It's all the same thing.
"Motion" is a term I've also been thinking about a lot. Back to the inertia analogy, it's easier to keep moving when you were already moving than to start moving when you were stagnant. You already have momentum. Building capacity is a momentum builder.
I'm barely online in the sense that I don't always know what's trending in the way everyone does but I heard a lot about Lagos Life, the game. I've seen the headlines, heard the gist. It sounds like a "God when" for most people but I can't help but think deeper than that. Yes, she made a viral game and raised money but the reality of it seems like a nightmare. You do a thing for fun, drop it and all of a sudden your thing is everywhere. How do you even handle that? How do you even know what to put in place to take advantage of the situation? How does that grow into something sustainable? How don't you crumble from overstimulation?
Capacity.
I watched an interview she did with Fisayo Fosudo and before I saw it, I assumed she was one of those Twitter tech people that just talk a lot. But as I watched it, I began to form an opinion of this person is acting like she has been here before. The speed of updating features, the unstressed vibe, a planned trajectory, refusal to sell for $100k because this is apparently a billion dollar product, etc. Half of that just sounds like someone who has audacity. The other half is a clear example of preparation meets opportunity. This wasn't her first business. It wasn't her first app. It wasn't the first thing she had built.
It's why when I saw she raised money a few days after that video that I wasn't suprised. She had everything already set up in such a way that an investor would accept to put money down.
For many people, the worst thing that could happen to them is the thing they want to happen.
Assuming she was just a regular person who vibe coded a viral game, how do you handle attacks? How do you handle crashes? Outages? How do you handle the unending requests for feature updates? How do you even know how to handle a conversation with a potential investor? If an investor wanted to give you $100k do you even have a business incorporated? Can your account even accept the amounts? Can you even evaluate the financial value of your own business? If no to all these questions, do you at least know how to get the solutions to these things? Or have connections that do?
Imagine a successful attack now leaks millions of user data. Or she stored ATM card information unencrypted and now people's accounts are compromised. Imagine an investor reached out to her and it's a personal account she gives to collect the money.
In general we need to move past the "God whens" and start asking ourselves questions like "If God actually answered my prayers would I be able to handle it?" If the answer is no, then we need to ask what capacity looks like and go build it.
Capacity could be skills. It could be knowledge. It could be experience. It could even be your network. In the Lagos Life example, she says she has cofounders. How do you already have cofounders in an app you apparently built overnight?
Capacity also builds confidence, both in you and the people you want to work with or patronize you. When I watched the video, I concluded that even if this Lagos life game doesn't amount to anything, she would just go and build something else. The virality just sped up the process of her end goals.
For most people, the slow burn is the less exciting but better path. You can make all the mistakes without the stakes. You can get stretched in sustainable ways. You can be indecisive without the world ending. You can experiment. You can operate on levels just above your capacity and keep stretching as the levels slowly increase.
And the irony of waiting for the perfect moment, idea, or opportunity is that ideas are inherently worthless without execution. But also, thinking you need the perfect idea is already a place of scarcity. Ideas, possibilities, opportunities and moments are all over the place.
They're just easier to see when you're in motion.
That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed it.
À la prochaine 😊.
I don't know how normal this is but I learned some time ago about myself that when I have this strong aversion to trying something, it doesn't really signal anything of importance. I don't necessarily mean a strong intuition against something fishy or sketchy. I mean something like trying a movie, an experience, something new and/or different that I just don't feel like doing. It may even be a gig or an opportunity. Sometimes, there is genuinely something off about it. In those moments, when I ignore myself, i tend to regret it in some way. But in the moments where I can't pinpoint anything and just have this strong resistance to do something, it's usually a poor indicator of how that thing will actually be or feel. And usually, when I muster the strength to push past that specific feeling, I realise it was a lie.
I say it a lot that "my biggest issue is pressing play". That pretty much sums up the feeling. If we use a movie as a placeholder, you could tell me all the great reviews, all the fun stuff, give me all the fascinating clips, but that difficulty of just pressing play will still remain if I have that feeling.
Apparently, a technical term for this is "task aversion." and it's quite normal. But, if you have ADHD it can likely be more pronounced. The unpleasantness you anticipate feels so strong that it stops you from initiating a task. And that feeling does not match whatsoever to the real thing. It may even be the opposite.
Of course, if you aren't depressed and you have a deadline, those feelings go out the window. It's also the case for if you're excited about it. But if it's something that's not urgent or something without a lot of stakes in the moment, this feeling can present itself and manufacture stakes in a different direction. Rather than pushing you to get things done, it does the opposite.
At some point I started learning to ignore it but along the way I forgot. Usually a stimulus shows you something important but this is one of those where it's not doing anything good. It's like shame in the sense that it's useless in many of the situations you find yourself in, even though the emotion itself isn't necessarily useless.
So, I'm back again, reminding myself that task aversion is often worthless in the moment and you can quite literally just do the thing and worry about how it feels as you're doing it. You can press play on the movie and dip if it's boring. You can try that new thing and dump it if it doesn't work. You can and should start that task if it needs to get done.
Anticipated feeling is often a bad predictor of the actual feeling.
Remembering that may make it much easier to be in motion than to never press play.
The other day, I was watching a video explaining a comic book storyline where the ideals of an older person clashed with that of a younger one. It was an alternate Spider-man reality in a very corrupt world and a young Peter Parker having so much rage about the injustice of the world and having very simple politics.
Here's the video for the comic fans interested.
The older person typically has been beat down in life. The hope in their eyes has gone and they deal with everything with a sense of strict practicality. The young person sees life through a very simple lens. They have the inexperience to think that they can solve the problems without stopping to realise that they won't be the first to think about it and without asking why those solutions never worked till now.
But the irony of it is that youthful naivety is why things happen. Throughout history, a lot of freedom fighters, political figures, effectors of change were relatively young. They had the inexperience to think that they could actually do something about it. And somehow, they did, despite the older people of their time complaining about "children of nowadays".
And beyond serious things like wars and revolutions, we also have businesses. People silly enough to think that out of all the people who have tried and failed, theirs would be different. Oblivious to the fact that most businesses fail in general, before even considering unchartered territory like unexplored markets.
I think that in a weird way, people with such audacity tend to be rewarded. Of course, there are so many other factors into play because otherwise, every weird uncle with their 100th business idea would be a millionaire. But I like to see the world beyond the tangible physical as also bound by certain laws of physics. You want something to move, you have to apply force. Sometimes, that force is action. And sometimes, being naive is the igniter to incite action.
Sometimes, your own experience can work against you. Many times (if not most), that's not necessarily a bad thing. We need guardrails. We need to learn, iterate and improve based on things that didn't go our way. But as each of us gets older, the stakes of each decision getting higher, the percieved increasingly reduced margin for error, we need to fight to keep some of our naivety. Fight the typical cynicism that comes with understanding more and more how truly broken the world is. Fight the compulsion to get lost in practicality. Fight to maintain the idea that your own could actually be different.
Your naivety can work with your experience. Be naive enough to think you can and be experienced enough to actually do the work to make what you want to happen, happen. Hopeful enough to think it could be you. Practical enough to not downplay the work. One can help you execute but it's not always enough to see it through.
Or even see it to begin with.
It's funny how you learn lessons then slowly move in another direction and have to come back to the lesson you learned. As a morning person, it's not news that I'm at my most productive before noon and for me in particular, I start getting diminishing returns after 2-3pm. I can be productive even till night but it's not me at my best. But over the past year or less, my wake up time became more and more late.
For someone who used to wake up at 5/6, before it's even bright, taking advantage of the peaceful silence while everyone else is asleep, it's interesting how I started waking up 7,8 and maybe start getting productive by 9. I got the better sleep hours but at the cost of being at my best. And it's not like the sleep was great to begin with because I was frequently tired. Granted, the tiredness could be blamed on multiple factors such as environment, changes in diet, and cognitive load, but it's not like the "more sleep" was doing anything.
I randomly decided to run an experiment. I don't exactly remember why but it was, say, two weeks ago. I set a 10pm bed time. Naturally that means 7-8 hours of sleep would get up up around 5/6 and it was like discovering a lost love. I suddenly somehow had more time, even though it doesn't mathematically make sense. It's not like I had less time before. I was going to bed at midnight ish. Maybe 1. I got my 7-8 hours. But somehow, not getting my gears moving until late morning was taking high value time from me.
And this isn't new. I knew this already but somehow, I shifted from what works for me slowly until it became obvious that I had drifted. Life do be like that. It's the small decisions or indecisions that drift into something that's bigger.
The routine fits perfectly. I wake up by like 5/6, do my usual 30 minute walk indoors, sometimes using that as an excuse to scroll french Tiktok, which adds to my French hours. I get into a real rhythm by maybe 7/8. And just like that, if I can lock in, i have 4 hours at my disposal to get French in. Then by noon/1pm I can focus on work and whatever being an adult wants from me till it's time to sleep. That's like 9-10 hours. Granted, it's not linear. On average I've found that you actually work half of the time you set to work when you factor in breaks, distractions, being an adult, etc. So if you have 10 hours blocked for work, unless you have a tight deadline, you may only work 5/6 max. You may be at your desk for the 10 hours but effective work done is like half of that. So I've learned to plan around that.
So, just by changing my bed time I gave myself more time and I plan to keep it that way for the forseeable future. After all, what am I doing at midnight that can't be done before 10?
Funny how you move from detesting bed times as a kid to growing up and wanting them back.
I was on a call with my dad the other day and he asked how I was doing. I said as a fact, and not necessarily to complain, that I was always tired. He said that it's because my responsibilities are more now and "I hope you know it will still increase."
Lol.
I know we always complain about adulting like a joke but there's a sadness to this whole "being born and basically work till you retire" thing, if you're lucky enough to even have the capacity to retire.
The other day I was on another call with two of my guys, both who recently became dads. And the hilarity of it all is that we all now understand to a degree some of the stuff our parents went through. I'm at an age where my parents already had me and I can't imagine the multiplier effect of every wrong decision I make or don't make affecting an small human with no agency. I can barely keep myself afloat, talkless of another being that is 100% dependent on me.
Shout out to all the mums and dads reading this lol.
But it's also a weird thing about life where we need responsibility to feel fulfiled. Even if I had all the money I could want, all the access I could want and all the things I could ever need, at the end of it all is just a black hole of nothingness. We need responsibility to make all of that mean something.
For some people, it's raising a family. For some, it's running a business that's solving a problem and paying salaries that keep other families afloat. For others, it's having charities and giving back. You get out of bed every morning knowing that if you don't do what you do, it would affect someone negatively.
Sometimes purpose is just the fact that another person needs you. When the stakes are limited to you, selfishness is not always enough motivation. It's easier to push through difficult things when someone or something needs you. Strange, isn't it?
So, no, it doesn't end. Something about our psyche needs the struggle. The struggle just upgrades from survival. I used to hear things our parents would say and I'm slowly beginning to sound like them. I thought things like this were "copium", a way to feel better about a situation that's not ideal. But there has been some truth to the need to work hard. It gives things value.
And you don't have to have a kid or a large scale business to have repsonsibility. It could be just your responsibility to your partner, your work place, yourself, your future self. The weight of being an adult is heavy regardless of where you are in life. The difference is how much you can stretch, how much capacity you have.
And you can only build capacity by taking on things you don't know how you can handle.
I'm the most stressed I've been in a while and I while I have certain emotional challenges I'm going through, I have my reasons to get out of bed. I have my reasons to push through the discomfort. I tell myself difficult things are often how you know the goal is worth it. My verbiage has changed. My self talk has changed. I now value the difficulty because it means what I'm doing means something. It may not result in a high feeling at the end but I would be able to look at myself in the mirror with pride that I'm capable of doing difficult things and I'm not one to quit just because something it hard.
And then, hop on to the next thing because truly, it doesn't end.
No spoilers, don't worry.
I'm not one to say something is a sign. It clashes with my internal logic because I'm aware of The Baader-Meinhof phenomenon which is a cognitive bias where something newly learned suddenly seems to appear everywhere. It is also known as the frequency illusion. I've noticed it a lot. I'm struggling with something, anxious about something, discovered I'm dealing with something and then all of a sudden, that thing is everywhere.
But, on the other hand I'm not arrogant enough to deny that there are many things I can't explain. This year is one of those years. I'm having a run where both the good and the bad things feel scripted, in a sense. Sort of like when you zoom out it feels like some things happened because of me and because I'm heading in a direction I'm supposed to. Does that make sense?
Ironically, that's also a little arrogant, like yeah, sure, of all the infinite possibilities of random things that could've happened this year, this sequence of events just happened to happen because of me. But if that's what I'm arrogant about in the list of all the other options, I'd take that lol.
The truth, as usual, is probably somewhere in between. Some form of combination of my actions, focus, motives, and forces beyond my control.
This movie was another one of those questions.
The question of why I like Spider-man so much is probably answered by a common reason. Each movie basically is a cultural moment so it's not like I'm original here. But it's something I'm not used to feeling, which is being seen. Beyond the cool acrobatics, parcour, action, scientific genius, and charm (none of which I have, except one 🙃) is feeling like it could be me. "Anyone can wear the mask" is not just a cool saying that Miles Morales quoted in Into The Spider-verse. You can see Peter Parker as a stand in for myself. Outside of fighting uncanny threats is a guy who faces the same shit I do, except that he's defintiely a much better person than I am.
I had my issues with the movie. It wasn't a perfect one but it had heart. And in hindight, I feel like the entire movie was an allegory for some of the things I've been struggling with in my personal life and if he could figure it out, then I can. I watched it with someone and they said, "I feel like this movie was written for you."
And you know what, they were right.
And that goes beyond exquisite plot devices, star studded casts, CGI and all that good stuff. The fact that this $200 million+ movie looked me in the eye and said "I see you," is much better than any technicalities that would've made it a "better" movie.
It's just one of those things that either you get it or you don't. If the past few paragraphs didn't make any sense to you, then a full thesis or well articulated video wouldn't explain it either. It's also one of the many reasons why I love movies. Every once in a while you come across something that makes you actually feel something and that's a tall order for someone like me. I've been accused of/complemented for being stoic. Movies and media in general, when hitting the right notes, get to me in my small corner of the world and while I struggle to find people to relate to, I sometimes get to tap into a bigger thing that makes me feel less alone in certain things, and also that I can get through it.
So, no, this wasn't my favourite Spider-man movie in terms of quality but it doesn't have to be. I like each one for different reasons and that's the beauty of it. This is one that will mark a checkpoint in my life, like how you imprint a memory on music and I can't wait to look back at the movie many times and be reminded of all the things I overcame.
Hell, even the subtitle feels on the nose. "Brand New Day".
But yeah, go see the movie if you can. And remember, whether what you love is popular or not, love it how you want, and love it without shame. Don't be afraid to like and want things you can't explain. Your community may be large or small, popular or niche but you can connect and get all the things you want.
And you will.
Content I Found Cool This Week
What a time to be alive. Feels like everyone picked this year to drop the good stuff. I'm behind on so many things, which is a good problem to have. I'm glad I got to watch this, though. Like Spider-man, it had heart, didn't feel like a cash grab or an excuse to use the IP and was a fun time. I wouldn't mind a few more movies in this vein tbh, even if I'm the guy who says we should leave certain IPs alone.
Yeah, in this case, i'm a hypocrite till they fuck it up.
That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed it.
À la prochaine 😊.
My childhood was very unorthodox in many ways but normal in many ways. One of the things that seemed out of the ordinary was that I didn't grow up watching football. When I was younger, I thought it was a nature thing. That I just didn't care about sports. But over time, it clicked that it was a nurture thing. And now, several years later, I've gotten older and gotten more exposed to things like movies about sports, documentaries, games, and even trying one or two for the sake of exercise, I'm even more convinced that the difference between me caring about Ronaldo vs. Messi and me not giving a fuck is because no one cared in the house I grew up in.
For a large stretch of time, my dad and I were the only males in the house, and occasionally one of my uncles. My dad never turned on a sports channel. But he loves movies, therefore, I do. The only time I remember watching football in the house was the 2010 World cup. The one with Shakira. And even by then I was already old enough to have my own thoughts and opinions. By the time I was associating with more and more people who could die for sports, I was content with my books, movies, animated movies, comics, and the few games I could get my hands on.
I was very entertained in my own world.
Looking back, I've had a long and sometimes contradictory road with peer pressure and self confidence. I remember struggling for a long time thinking something was wrong with me and my inability to socialize like normal people. But in that same phase of my life, I remember not caring when someone said I was gay for not watching football. I also remember being irritated whenever someone insinuated that "cartoons" were for kids but it never once crossed my mind to "grow up".
When I got older, I began to notice socialzing was more challenging because the two things that seemed to bring men together, football and alcohol, I didn't care about either. My struggle with the alcohol thought is beyond the scope of this newsletter. But for sports, even that thought wasn't enough for me to start watching football. I've felt like an outsider many times in my life but that feeling was scarcely potent enough to get me to do something I didn't want to do.
I was one of those kids who was oddly resistant to peer pressure. And it's not because I was better than anyone. Hell no. But one of the factors was, I think even then, I really liked the things I liked. And if you couldn't see that, then that was a you problem. But it also did help that something about my life self selects friends. I call it my "bullshit radar". There's just something about shitty people and their inability to stick around in my life. And looking back, the few friends that I've been lucky to have, even fewer have ever tried to make me do something I didn't want to do.
On the flip side, identities change. I didn't care about sports then. But it's slowly started creeping on me. From the previously mentioned movies and documentaries, to the sick basketball edits on YouTube, to the guy who uses well plotted graphs and charts to explain his opinion on a certain basketball topic. I have long realised that there is a reality where a younger version of me actually followed sports. And honestly, as far as basketball is concerned, some of my reluctance to pay attention was simply rebellion. Everyone said I was tall and therefore I should play basketball. But you're not going to tell me what to do.
Side note, it's hilarious how everyone said I should play basketball and maybe I could get into the NBA. Meanwhile I'm closer to height with Steph Curry (who is considered small for NBA averages) and he pretty much had to become shooting god to make it in the league. So pray tell, what magic would I have used to get into the NBA from Lagos? "God will do it?" Advice is sweet to give sha.
Identity is something I've pondered on for a bit. It's powerful and dangerous. Liberating, yet limiting. I was the guy who didn't care about sports. Then all of a sudden, I started to care. It sounds ridiculous, but it's one of those things that can cause identity confusion. You wake up and realise you're slowly detaching from the brand you've built for yourself, and you resist it because if there's a hole in the curated image you've carefuly constructed of yourself, then the house of cards may as well fall apart.
Fortunately for me, i am now comfortable with identity shifts. My opinions will change. My interests will change. Now, I have more freedom to do things I wouldn't otherwise do, simply because I now find it intriguing.
Yesterday, I was playing NBA 2K25, one of the small habits I've picked up that's very contradictory to a past version of myself. I'm terrible at the game. But it helps blow off steam to play random matches with the computer. I picked the Celtics, played against the Lakers. Not much thought put into the team selection tbh.
(For the non sports people among you, I promise there's a point to all of this)
The first quarter was terrible. Near the end, they had 21 points and I had 9. I'm not good at the game but I've gotten even worse this year because I didn't get to play as often. A 12 point deficit in the first quarter may as well have been a blowout. But a thing I do when playing is i always see the game through to the end, even though i'm losing terribly. I guess it's a matter of principle. I already accepted that I'd lost the game but I was going to see it through. Within 30 seconds of play, Jrue Holiday (on my team) scored two three pointers. But Luka (on the opposing team)still kept the lead up with a 3 pointer in between.
23-15
What's funny is that before writing this, I thought I ended the quarter with a 12 point deficit. But it was actually 8. That's how my mind had already accepted the loss. I didn't even realise it wasn't as bad. I kept playing though. Second quarter was also terrible. I kept missing shots. But in hindsight I somehow managed to keep the lead relatively the same by the end of the second quarter. Derrick White carrying this hopeless team on his back and the reason the quarter didn't end with a double digit lead. You could tell the Lakers didn't take me seriously because they subbed out their main guys for some rookies. Such disrespect.
41-32
My team's 3 point percentage was terrible, which was strange so I started driving to the basket more (shooting closer to the basket or trying to dunk), getting two points where I could. Something in the strategy change worked and Jason Tatum started to wake up, trading drunks with Lebron James (on the opposing team) at a point. Then closer to the end, of the quarter, two three points shaved the lead down.
60-56
By this point in the game, I had actually begun to believe I could win this thing. In basketball, a 4 point deficit is nothing. It's now anyone's game.
"Don't do anything fancy or crazy," I told myself. "Try to keep reducing the point difference."
62-56. Lebron James started the quarter with a layup. Now a 6 point difference. No biggie. We'll keep trying.
62-58
62-60
64-60. Lebron James embarrased us with a dunk. But we've got this.
64-62. Thank you, Tatum. Now we have an opportunity to tie or take the lead.
64-65. I just had to take that 3 point shot. It went in. We're actually in the lead now. Don't mess this up.
66-65. Damn. They scored. Lead changed.
66-67. Thank you Jrue Holiday.
66-69. Jrue Holiday again! Dunked on their asses.
66-71. Derrick White showing why this team loves him.
68-73
71-73. Fucking Luka. Scored 3 points.
71-75. Tatum got the lead up again. But it's not over yet.
71-77. Jaylen Brown, where were you this whole game?
73-77. Luka keeping them alive. 4 point differential with 43 seconds left. In basketball land, that might as well be an eternity.
73-80. Derrick White with a 3 pointer! 34 seconds left. They'd need back to back three points to win but crazier things have happened in this sport (I'm looking at you, Tyrese Haliburton).
At this point they're doing different tactics like calling time outs and intentionally fouling us. We somehow don't concede any points. But we don't get any either.
76-80. You have to respect Luka. 7 seconds left. Still an eternity. They can win in two plays or force the game into overtime.
Jaylen Brown gets fouled. Sent to take free throws.
76-81. He makes 1 of 2 free throws. 5 seconds left. We just need to protect the lead.
5 seconds later . . .
We won.
The feeling was so good. It reminded me of my realisation of why sports is so beloved. Why millions of people tune in to watch grown men toss a ball around in rectangles and circles. It's the same thing that cuts across all aspects of life.
We love a good story.
Yesterday, I experienced your typical hero's journey. Starts out down on his luck, doesn't give up, somehow finds his stride and beats the odds to win. Something about that can be very attractive. And there are so many allegories in such stories you can apply in real life.
Never give up.
You can achieve anything with hard work.
It's not over till it's over.
Etc.
It's the same exact reason why I love Peter Parker so much. I would never be Spider-man but I could see myself in him. I felt seen in those hundreds of pages of comic books and several hours of cartoons and movies. I could also live out fantasies that were metaphors for my real life struggles. You will never be Ronaldo but you can identify with the story of growing up poor and through hard work, finding your way to the top. You will never be Steph Curry but you can relate to the feeling of not being taken seriously and with every success he has, it feels like our success. It feels like if he could do it, then whatever I'm facing in life I can figure it out.
It's why the Rocky-esque training montages in movies are still effective. I've watched all the Rocky movies and I still enjoy watching the one in the first Rocky (1977) and the one in the most recent Creed movie (2023). Over four decades of time. Storytelling styles may change but the feelings don't.
And when you can tap into a strong feeling, you can get the world to pay attention.
Content I found cool this week.
I'm not a fan of the Office but I oddly find content inspired by it to be funny. This is The Office but with tech people. I hope they turn it into a series.
This guy created an infinite feeling art canvas. And he keeps updating it. You can just keep zooming in. I've seen stuff like this before and it's always so cool to see.
That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed it.
À la prochaine 😊.
I haven’t been the most optimistic person you've ever met. In fact, for a portion of my life I was a pessimist. I remember my parents asking why I was always frowning and my response would be "why should I smile?" Pessimists like to think of themselves as “realists”, but in reality, their view of the world is so dark that what is “real” is just “everything ends up in a bad place”. I understand this view. I’m not the best believer in the world and in the human race. People say there is good in humanity. I say there is both good and bad with many incentives to be bad.
That being said, I may not identify as an optimist yet but a lot of my actions are like one. If there was a spectrum, I’d be somewhere in the middle of being entirely optimistic and being entirely logical. It is situation dependent though. If the other end is pessimism, I sometimes hedge my bets that something bad will happen and hang around the middle of logic and pessimism. That's where a mixture of being "logical" and dealing with anxiety gets you.
But in general, I do think that my actions tend towards being optimistic. I think I have somehow built a reality for myself that a pessimist will say I have no business being in. I try things. I go on unconventional paths. I may struggle to do them. I may try to talk myself out of things. But ultimately, I keep finding myself doing things that can only be done by someone who, at least subconsciously, believes or expects good things to happen.
I have this weird roundabout way of justifying a way of life. You may say it’s good to be an optimist because good things tend to find optimists. Or you may believe in the law of attraction. I, on the other hand, think reality is reality. There’s nothing that’s going to change 2+2 or gravity. But aside from the laws of physics and mathematics, most of our experienced reality is subjective. It’s not real. The thing is the thing. You just interpret it how you want.
That being said, your perspective does shape what you see and by extension, what you pay attention to and notice. The good is there and the bad is there. You focusing on either of them doesn’t negate the other. But it can sometimes stop you from seeing the other. If that’s the case, then it benefits us to be optimistic because only then can the good outcomes become obvious to us and therefore we chase it.
So, logically speaking, it pays to be an optimist. It’s not that the belief in the thing makes the thing happen. The belief in the thing biases you towards action and positioning that makes the thing happen.
“One of the benefits of an optimistic temperament is that it encourages persistence in the face of obstacles.” is a quote from Thinking Fast and Slow. It also reminds me of another quote from Man's Search for Meaning "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how." You can't really have a "why" if you don't believe in the possibility of it happening. Things are going to happen that won't go your way. If you have a pessimistic view, your response may be "I was right all along". If you have an optimistic view, your focus is very attached to the good that you may even be able to spin unfavourable things into favourable things.
And then there is energy. When you're in the midst of your own energy, you don't notice it. Pessimists have a way of sucking the joy out of things. It's more draining to be negative. Some things don't have to have a "point". Some things spark joy for no reason, and that's okay.
It also has a repelling effect. I wouldn't want to be around the person who is always seeing how things can go wrong, but never how it can go right. There is value in having your head in the clouds every now and then because you sometimes realise that what you thought was the sky, was just your ceiling. If you never think that you or anyone around you can touch the sky, you won't. And even if you tried regardless, you'd waste so much cognitive energy on negativity.
"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right" - Henry Ford
I sometimes identify with nihilism. I do think to a certain extent that everything is vanity and there's no real point to all of this that we call life. But I do have a positive spin on it. If I'm here, and all of this is inherently pointless, I may as well live a life that's not tantamount to suffering. I may zoom out and see how insignificant a lot of things are, but zooming in, I exist, I feel, I experience. Vanity doesn't mean I shouldn't enjoy. In fact, it's a reason why I should enjoy. "If I've been put on this planet without prior consent, I may as well enjoy it," is something I used to say. I don't think I would say that now because I'm in a more gratitude focused state, but the concept still carries over. I'm here. The process to how I got here is irrelevant. I'm here. I may as well enjoy what I can.
And to enjoy what I can, I need to be able to achieve things to make such a reality happen. And now, I can see a straight line from being optimistic to having a higher quality of life. If you can't see it, you can't reach it.
See what I mean about roundabout ways?
As always, I do think there's a balance necessary here. I've seen the damage that extreme optimism can do. Especially belief with no action. "Faith without works is dead", as famously quoted from the Bible. I also think there is prudence in plotting how things can actually go wrong. Life needs objectivity. But the difference here is trying to have a bias to the positive (which will let you aspire), while trying to prepare for things not working out (which protects you from yourself and things you can't see).
That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed it.
See you in the next post.
I was backing up a lot of photos and videos to a secondary backup this week. Finally set up the back up of my back up. Lol.
This process made me go through pictures that are only a few months old. Maybe 5? And in that space of time it has morphed from a lived experience to something oddly nostalgic. Seems the gestation period for this conversion is a few months.
At this point, the pictures become a portal that transport you to a time in your life in a way you couldn’t have appreciated at the time you were making these memories, even if you were living in the moment and enjoying it as best as you could. And now, that effort to live a little has a compounding effect of a pleasant memory.
It's also enough time to not have the exact amount you paid for those experiences at your fingertips, unless of course it was crazy expensive or stupid cheap.
Basically, what I'm getting at is, once enough time passes, the amount of money you spend on an experience becomes irrelevant. But you don't forget how the experience made you feel.
I've been thinking about the compounding effect of a memory. One of the many things that has clicked in my mind this year is that everything has a compounding effect, not just money. Relationships, knowledge, skills, even trauma have a compounding effect. The eighth wonder of the world, they call it. The thing we’d never truly grasp because our brains aren’t designed to think exponentially intuitively.
If a memory has a compounding effect, then it stands to reason, that like money you invest, the returns may be exponential or even unquantifiable. They may also be worthless. It all depends on where you invest it in. Although, unlike money, I find it hard to believe that all memories have a zero return on investment. I say this because while whatever knowledge you get from an experience may not have been worth the trouble, it's still knowledge at the end of the day and as they say, no knowledge is a waste.
But come to think of it, you definitely can get a negative return on investment from an experience. Trauma, faulty conclusions. unknown biases, destructive patterns. All of these can come from one experience. It can also cascade as one bad experience creates decisions that create more bad experiences and then you constantly generate self fulfilling prophecies.
So what is the compounding effect of a memory? I don’t know. But I can make a few guesses as to the direction it may take. The low hanging fruits are good (or bad) feelings. But we also have things like its influence on your decision making, easy empathy, a broader world view and a more open mind. Also, a deeper pool of experience to form opinions on. Becoming a happier and more fulfilled person could also be on the table. And a bonus could be being a more interesting person to have conversations with.
Each of the examples I listed have compounding effects in their own right. Let's take formed opinions for instance. Your mental models on how you see the world are based on your experiences. How you see the world influences what you think is possible. What you think is possible influences the decisions you make. The decisions you make influence the direction of your life. And so on and so forth.
But it's one of those things you can only truly see in hindsight.
It’s a scary thought. Doing things and not really being able to plot the exact outcome. Not being able to reduce them to simple math and equations. I guess that’s also why it’s best to focus more on being and doing. That’s where a lot of fulfilment actually is anyway. Not the destination.
The same way you can start seeing the effects of compounding in a few years in may be similar here. Not having to live out decades to understand why and being able to see the benefits of your experiences earlier. It's a dynamic thing. You may experience something today that you thank yourself for in five years. You may also experience something and completely forget it till you're 60 when you're babysitting children and telling them stories from the life you've lived..
What’s the price of a memory? I don’t think we’d ever really know until years have passed and we look back at experiences and no longer see the dollar or naira cost but what we felt and what it made us do or become as a result. And so long as you don’t do anything crazy like splurge your rent on an experience, I don’t think you’d really remember the zeros.
And you shouldn't have to.
That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed it.
See you in the next post!